Now a big reason as to why I haven't been active in the last few months has been mostly due to my legal obligation as a Finn to go through military training, which is not something that gets my creative juices going very often. But I feel I'm being disingenuous if I tell you that's the sole reason. I have time most weekends and there's plenty of free time I could be using to write, design, I could bring a laptop to barracks and build a bit in the evenings etc., but I don't. The most active I have been on this server was when we were building spawn and even then I was not really doing much in comparison to some.
A primary reason I think is because I feel like I'm just a bad builder in general. When I look at stuff other people build and then look back at my stuff the difference is quite obvious (to me at least). This was true on the last server as well. I feel like most of my stuff should be at least 1,5 times the size they are currently to really capture the feel I want to go for, but When I do try and build big it feels very blocky and bare. I enjoy the placing blocks bit, but I think I'm not that good of a designer in general. The lore bit comes naturally and I honestly already have a lot planned, but I don't feel like writing anything down when my realm currently consists of half a tunnel and a bridge. I also share the sentiment with ol' Seppy in that I find it difficult to start over without all my cool stuff, although I feel my realm is much more interesting in its premise than last time.
Then why stick around? Y'all, of course. Some of the most fun I had on the last server was when we were building the netherlines and talking shit in voice chat, and when collaborating with the last real lore event of Aldemeria in the Greenmoor civil war. I try and keep up with the discord as much as I can (which has become quite difficult as of late with all the activity the new people have brought on!) and contribute where I feel like I can. I hope we can have something like those on this server as well, I know the Anniversary Games are right around the corner and I believe I get to attend those so that should be fun.
All in all, I hope to get over my inferiority complex and just build, for one does not learn if one never tries. Maybe not until my service is over, but if Baungrvuor is not the goddamn greatest fucking dwarven realm any of you have ever seen by the end of next fall I will eat my baret.
